Not my usual kind of post, nor is it the one I planned out. However, that being said, we’ve all, at one time or another, been affected by words that we shouldn’t have to hear. Ones that come with the territory of having an invisible illness. Examples include, “but you don’t look ill/disabled” or “you look just fine to me” or even “you’re just making it up”. We’re told by friends and family that we shouldn’t let these affect us, shouldn’t let it hurt us, but how can we not when we know what we live through each day and have to hear words such as these on top of it?
We’re already struggling enough without having people be judgemental about it all. Now, I like to think that I’ve grown used to hearing these phrases/words, and honestly, up until I created this blog, most people around me didn’t even know that I lived with this condition. To some people, those closest to me, when I tell them they say it all makes sense; the ditching plans at the last minute, the being fine one day and not the next, the up and down moods, etc., etc.
But what happens when actually these words come from one of those close friends? One that, actually, you thought was your best friend. I found out today that this so-called friend told another of my friends that she thinks “I put it on a bit” (among other things), i.e. exaggerate how I feel. I can’t tell you how deep this hurt me, from someone I thought understood me and what I was going through. For the past 3 and a half years of diagnosis, I have tried my hardest to get through my days, weeks and years, living with this condition. I have tried my best not to complain, and for the most part hide how I truly feel altogether so as not to burden anyone. But we’re not all perfect, none of us are, and when I have a bad day – there’s not much I can do to hide my real feelings about the pain I’m in, about the lack of what I can do, about what I’m missing out on. It affects us wholly and completely and that won’t ever change. Hearing this come from someone who you’ve known for years upon years; who you’ve always been there for each other, good and bad times; who despite going through periods where we don’t speak (through busy schedules, not fallings out), can pick right back up where we left off; it hurts, truly.
My point? Sometimes, there are times where we can not let words and phrases affect us, but then there’s other times that it will. Never mind that it depends on what kind of day we’re having and how many spoons we have, it can depend on the person it comes from. It’s okay to get upset, it’s okay to have a cry or a rant, it’s just okay. None of us are perfect, us spoonies should know this by now, but we don’t have to try to be either. It’s okay, feel how you want to feel. Just make sure that those toxic people who say this about us, don’t rule your life and how you live it, don’t make you feel that way again and more importantly, don’t call you their best friend again, because, oh no, no friend of mine or friend of any spoonie, should be saying something like that about them.